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Posts Tagged ‘doula’

I see my main job not as a doula, but as a public advocate whose mission is to mainstream natural birth. That doesn’t mean that I PREACH about natural birth (unless I am preaching to the choir at a doula or midwifery conference). I’ve found that preaching doesn’t get me very far when I am talking to the uninformed, underinformed, or people who actually disagree with me. But I do try to take advantage of situations in which it makes sense to tell positive birth stories and bring up my profession as a doula. Just saying the word can be a powerful catalyst in a room of people who’ve never heard it.

I watched it happen today, except it was not me who said the word. It was a college student, just explaining to other students in a class why he had missed class the day before.

His wife is a doula. She had been attending a birth for twenty-four hours. He had to stay home and watch their toddler.

I teach anthropology at a working-class state university in Michigan. My students are a DIVERSE group, though they are usually poorer and come from more disadvantaged backgrounds than the students at the fancy state university (University of Michigan).  That tiny spark — a man saying the word “doula” to fellow students — resulted in several conversations right there in front of my eyes. I didn’t start the conversation. I just stood there, basking in the glow of people talking about birth and realizing that there are more options than they knew. Ripples. Seeds planted.

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Hello pregnant women!

Fewer of us than ever before are signing up for traditional childbirth education classes. You know, those old-fashioned classes that meet in person. With a teacher. And maybe a textbook. Perhaps “class” reminds you of high school. Or college. And you do not want to be in SCHOOL any longer.

Besides, everything you need to know about birth is on youtube. Right? OK, well, then. Maybe it’s on Parenting.com? Or Childbirth.org? Or the American Pregnancy Association? Or WhatToExpect.com? 

Oh, dear. There’s a lot of websites that offer “childbirth information.” And the information they offer conflicts. A lot. More importantly, the information is not well-tailored to your unique situation.

No, problem, says the modern mama-to-be. I know how to get information tailored for me! I will jump into some chat rooms or join a website and ask my specific, individualized questions. Then the magic of the Internet will quickly provide me with the answers I need.

This is, indeed, how the majority of American women are preparing for childbirth. But childbirth is a very different process than researching what car to buy or whether or not to cut bangs this week (Michelle says, “Yes!”). Preparing for childbirth on-line is sort of like preparing for a triathalon on-line. There are good tips out there, but we all know that the REAL preparation is occuring off-line in what I would call “real life.”

Childbirth is a unique life event and probably nothing you have ever done in your life (except give birth previously!) can serve as a good model for how to prepare. I don’t know of any other event that requires the combination of social (how to interact with hospital staff and birthing professionals well), emotional, relational (negotiating the needs/wants of partners and parents and siblings), intellectual, and physical that birth requires. Many people compare birth to endurance sports events like marathons, but the fact is that few marathoners have to negotiate important medical decisions with doctors while they are running.

So, what you get in childbirth education classes that you CANNOT get on-line is the opportunity to practice in the presence of an experienced guide. When you READ information, it does not stick with you nearly the way it does when you have practiced what that information tells you to do. As Yogi Berra said, “In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.

You learn SO much by getting to ask a question and having a personal INTERACTION about your question. You get to practice — try out — different ideas in this safe place that is not yet your labor or your baby’s birth. In this place, you get to practice thinking and feeling and relating different ways. You have a teacher, who has probably been at a number of births and seen some of those ways play out in real life, who can guide you in your thinking and feeling and relating.

Childbirth education classes are not really about information. The “facts” are readily available on-line. It is the practice of trying this idea and then this one or, hey, maybe this one that makes this information useful for you. When you are in labor you do not need theoretical knowledge. You need very, very practical knowledge.

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Reposting my all-time favorite post. Because I love my job! Every so often I get a bug to become a better-paid birth professional. Doulas are just not the top earners in the birth field, sad to say.

And part of me is a real midwifery geek. I know I would love learning to become an obstetrician or a midwife or a labor and delivery nurse. I love learning about blood vessels leading to the placenta, about how to guide a breech baby out, about how to diagnose an ectopic pregnancy. Really. GEEK is the only word for the thrill I get from reading about such topics.

But when I am at a birth (as I was a few days ago) I have this fabulous role. This birth brought it home. Everyone else in the room at this hospital VBAC birth was focused on getting a recalcitrant baby out of a woman’s body as fast as possible: cutting her vagina open, attaching vacuum suction cups to the baby’s head, and adjusting various accoutrements to keep track of the baby’s heart rate (which was low and not coming up in between contractions… thus the drama and concern).

In contrast to the midwife, the L&D nurse, the obstetrician, the resident, and the neonatal team, my job was to remain full of trust in birth. My job was to help the mother stay connected to her calmest, most trusting place inside herself. I was allowed to smile and tell the mother that we could all see dark, curly hair as her baby’s head crowned. Everyone else was 100% focused on getting this baby’s head OUT. Fast. The mother and I were able to concentrate on this baby’s individuality. (Her previous babies had blonde hair.)

When the baby was born, the neonatal team whisked him away because of the heavy meconium. (Yet he was FINE immediately. At one minute he had an Apgar of 8. So much for all the panic!) No one but me noticed that the mother was panicked without being able to see or or hear or touch her baby.Of course, after all that drama when she didn’t hear a cry right away, she was afraid her baby was not OK. I was able to stand in the middle of the room and relay news about how her baby was waving his arms and legs and his skin was a beautiful, healthy pink color. All the birth professionals were busy, with important jobs for which they went to school for many years and for which they get paid fair salaries.

But would I rather learn how to measure a cervix or help a mother find her inner power? I am so, so glad that there are birth professionals out there who answer, “I want to measure the cervix.” Without these professionals, birth would not be as safe as it is today. Yet I am happy when I remember that my greatest joy is not measuring blood pressure or fetal heart tones, it is in aiding a woman have the experience that makes her feel like she is a powerful, amazing mother who can do anything. This is a feeling she gets to keep for the rest of her life.

Helping women smile when they remember giving birth. That is a doula’s job.

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I just read a blog by a woman who was trying to decide whether to hire a doula in her second pregnancy. She eloquently captures that inner dialogue that I bet a lot of women have about this question: Is a doula a luxury or a necessity? In her blog post, she talks about her unease with consumerism. Do we need to buy things to be happy? Do we need to spend money to regain our confidence in our own birthing bodies? You can check out her blog here: http://mothershavefeelingstoo.wordpress.com/2012/08/29/doulas-necessities-or-luxuries/

In this post, I want to offer one idea in response to the Mastercard-buy-more-to-be-happy-consumerist problem we all live with in the First World. One of the problems with consumerist culture is that we mistakenly believe that the THINGS we buy are what gives us pleasure. In fact, the things we buy are things that real humans made, transported, sold. It is their WORK that gives us pleasure. When we buy services (massage, health care appointments, a haircut, or doula services) this is more evident than when we buy objects.

When we remember that it is human’s work that we are paying for, not just “things,” we can make wholly different choices about spending money. We can spend money and stop being a “consumer” if that makes sense. We can USE money to connect with other humans. So often we do the opposite. We use the fact that we are paying someone money for something like a haircut or cleaning our house or taking care of our children as an excuse to treat them differently than we would a friend or relative. We all do it. (Be warned: Sometimes when I try to treat someone I am paying for a service more humanely than they expect, they act as if I am crazy.)

As a doula and as a woman, I value so-called women’s work — no matter who does it, men or women. Long ago as a teenager learning about women’s work in history I vowed that I would pay childcare workers fairly even if they themselves did not charge a fair amount (which is true in our area. Our babysitter charges an absurdly low hourly rate and doesn’t charge for sick days: hers or ours!). A more accurate term I learned in graduate school is “reproductive work” — which is all the work that is (usually) unpaid if it happens within a family. It is the work that is necessary to reproduce ourselves everyday (taking a shower, mending clothes, cooking, doing dishes, gardening, etc.) and to reproduce another generation (childcare, etc.)

Because of larger cultural and global forces outside of any one person’s control, we are not able to do all the reproductive work inside families anymore. In my case, a big factor is that my parents, my husband’s parents, and all our siblings (eight in all) live far, far away from us. The closest is a ten-hour drive; many of them live across the globe. Many of my friends rely on their extended family for SOOO much help. My best friend here sends her two kids to her in-laws overnight every Saturday. [An aside: I can’t imagine having a night off of children to spend with my husband free of charge every week. When we do hire a babysitter, we have to go out of the house. I would love to stay at home and sleep at home with my husband with no kids in the house!] Just because I would prefer to have much of this reproductive work done inside my family networks doesn’t mean that is the best way to do it in 2012.

In general, I try hard to be thoughtful about using money and when I pay for reproductive tasks I find I am even more thoughtful than when I am buying plain-old commodities like new running shoes. I want to be thoughtful when I am buying running shoes, too, but I find it is easier to be thoughtful when I actually meet and interact with the human who is doing the work. Because when I pay for reproductive work (cooking, cleaning, childcare, doula work) I am asking someone to step into the shoes of my relatives. I am asking someone to care for me/my loved ones. Money is just the vehicle that allows someone else to have the time to do this work that I do wish my sister, my mother, my grandmother could do for me. But they can’t. So I am using money as a tool — not a substitute — for connecting to real humans.

It’s not a perfect solution to our consumerist culture. But being clear that money is really a metaphor for human time and that what we buy is human work — not “things” — makes me more thoughtful about my choices. And the surprising conclusion I come to when I think this way is that I want to spend MORE of my money on things like doula services and home-cooked meals and less of my money on things like technological gadgets.

What about you?

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I got to speak at University of Michigan on Saturday to a packed room of what looked like 100 people or more. Wow! There were nurses, midwives, doctors, doulas, and pregnant women conversing together. Again, wow! It’s so great to be HAVING these conversations. Here’s an article from the University of Michigan website:

Hospital can provide safety net without pushing interventions; expert panel discussion planned at U-M March 24

Nadine Naber labored with a midwife, who guided her through her pain. Her husband was at her side, holding her hand, as she gave birth to her youngest son in a water-filled tub.

It was everything she dreamed a natural childbirth could be. But it didn’t happen at home — her son was born in the hospital.

Naber is one of many women who find that a natural hospital birth — a childbirth without medication or other intervention — is possible at Von Voigtlander Women’s Hospital at the University of Michigan. U-M has eight nurse midwives on staff and encourages women to set a natural birth plan that still offers the advantages of being in a hospital setting.

“I truly and deeply experienced what I would dream of with a natural birth, in every way possible, without any sense of it being medicalized,” says Naber, a 42-year-old mother of two and Ann Arbor, Mich. resident.

Naber says the natural hospital birth offers the best of both worlds: a birth plan without unnecessary medical intervention but also the safety net of the hospital setting.

U-M and Douglas Care will host a panel discussion, “Supporting Natural Birth in Hospital Settings,” on March 24, featuring author and professional doula, Cynthia Gabriel. Gabriel’s book, “Natural Hospital Birth: The Best of Both Worlds,” features a forward written by U-M’s Timothy R.B. Johnson, M.D. , who is professor and chair of the U-M Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology.

 http://umhsheadlines.org/20/natural-births-possible-encouraged-in-hospital-setting-at-university-of-michigan/

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Every so often I stumble across or someone forwards me a review of the book that is out there in cyber-land that I’ve never seen. It’s such a strange feeling, still, to know that real people read the book, have opinions about it, but I never get to meet them. It feels like this large family of like-minded birth geeks out there. Wish we could all be in one room together, but I guess there are way too many of us for that! Here’s the link: http://library-mama.dreamwidth.org/135374.html

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Summer Doulas

It is March. I am sending in my daughter’s form for her first sleep-away camp this summer (she is ten and SOOOO excited!). As I look ahead at the summer, I realize that I will not be able to be a doula most of the summer. AGAIN. It is so hard for women who have babies in July and August to find doulas who will be in town. I am going to be gone two weeks in July and at least ten days in August. This must be a big problem for all doulas and for all moms-to-be who want a doula in the summer. What did YOU do?

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